The Beginning of the End?

OK sooooo I have a confession I suppose...
Here's some background info first:
I'm 18
My bf- Alex S- is 21
We met at a party through a mutual friend- Andrew M ( a guy I used to work with that I've made out with before and I almost had sex // lost virginity to him one drunken night)
I fbkd Alex the Sunday night of Halloween wknd after I met him to get his cell num.. then texted him and we started hanging out // talking // him visiting me at work // us making out in Spencer L's car... which then led to us dating.. then fucking....
Then after we'd been dating for about 8 months I got in a big fight with my dad and had to leave to stop living there (after not living with him for a couple weeks the spring prior)- Alex S and Kasia G picked me up that afternoon and the rest is history so to speak...
Even from the beginning I felt//told him that I knew it was too early for us to be moving in together and I didn't plan on it being permanent.
Well I had moved in with him in like April while he was living at College Inn with 3 other roommates.. then we both => planned on <= moving into a 4 bedroom suite at University Village with OUR mutual friends Spencer L, Andrew M, and Sam W (WHICH WAS AWFULLLLLL BTW lol another story for another time) then after that for a year, we got an apartment together at Walnut Creek- both cosigning the lease with his mom as both of our gurantor...


OK Alex just got home Ill have to finish this in a little bit... Srry : /  <3 A

SO ANONYMOUS XI

I got my drank in my cup
and some junk in my trunk
If you're low fill it up
Don't you see I get it crunk

I be sippin on some gin (gin)
Sittin takin it all in

Bout to burst
Out my shirt
Sorry but I tend to flirt


Now I'me poppin out the wine
Like it's celebration time
And I'm rollin with my dimes
Like I'm in a vending machine line

My boys wanna get tipsy
So I pull out mywhiskey
Now I cannot act a lady
Got the sayin "damn she crazy"

Watch me take yo man
He'll be my numba 1 fan
Hot Damn

That's why they givin me their cake
Like everyday's my brithday

I'm bout to get it started
You know I bring the party
Won't remember in the mornin'
Cause we gon get retarded

Slurpin on some bubble
Bout to get into some trouble

So I'm runnin for the covers
And my dress you're creepin under

SO ANONYMOUS X

My Diamonds
They be gleamin
My style
Got you screamin
My smiles on
I'm beamin
I keep my money
Clean and
My body got you fiendin
My girls look hot
Keep dreamin

SO ANONYMOUS IX

Now I'm done and when I'm gone
I'll be the only trophy you hadn't won
You'll realize what you've done
So you can't be my number one

When I step out on the scene
Guys lined up as far as I can see
All those girls wanna be me
DJ this is my urgent plea

So A T T N
Need your attention
Tell your boy he's inchin
Closer to detention
Pinchin on my ass
Baby where's your class?
Checkin out my style
Don't need to wait in line
If you know you ain't fine
You just need to step aside
So if you creepin up behind
I'm not givin you the time

So learn this life lesson
Before I start messin
Around or start dressin
Up for this class clown
Trust I'm not stressin
Just need to address it
This teacher's pet obssession
I'm gonna need a confession
Before we get down

A S A P
All eyes on me

SO ANONYMOUS VIII

I'm givin you the go yea
We're goin for the gold now
Be ya lucky clova
Want you to bend me ova
Do it big like Hova
Ya know that's why I chose ya
Then you should turn me ova
Like smoke I'm gonna blow ya
N after this rolla coasta
I guess I could just hold ya
; )

SO ANONYMOUS VII

Rollin on 3-4's
Not messin with a benz yo
I whip it in the enzo
I'll kick it in the end zone
I'll pick it like a fence though
After I count my bank roll
Beat's sick
Seats back
Don't need to have a place to go

SO ANONYMOUS VI

Can you keep up
Will you watch me
If I get it fired up
While my hips swing
Center of the flo
Where ya know I take it low
You know I gotta catch ya
Not just gonna match ya
I ain't tryin to blas ya
Name on the ra-dio
but you know how I go
Me is what I do
Looks like it's round two
You just do you
That's why they be like 'who'


Cause I'm a 5 star chick
In my 5 star whip
With my 5 star clique
Takin 5 star hits
Gotcha 5 star dick
Beat it, r-tard bitch


Guess I can't say that one on air
My words strip you like naked and bare
I like it how you move when ya move right there
Do a little dance for ya
Sit down in that chair


You should really try to please me
You should really care
Not lookin for a child
Or for an answered prayer
Just wanna get a lil wild
With the game's biggest player

I ain't about to miss ya
I just wanna kiss ya
D you get the pitcha
I'm really gonna getcha

SO ANONYMOUS V

I'm 3k away
Just another day
I'd love to say I miss you
But then again I guess I don't
You know I long to kiss you
Do you know why I won't?
Because I'm 3k away
What else is there I can say
I love you more with everyday

You know I'm fallin
Yea I've fallin hard
Can't you see I'm fallen (fallen)
I know nothing could keep us apart

Except I'm 3k, away
How much can, my, heart take

SO ANONYMOUS IV

Hello
Can you hear me callin your name
Our hearts beating one in the same
And you're all I think about tonight

My love
In a vial pressed into your hand
Quiet there's no need to pretend
Can we even see the same starlight?

Sweet lullaby
Your soul intertwined with mine
And if the rain starts pourin
Baby you can count on me
I know it won't be boring
You just wait and see

SO ANONYMOUS III

Close your eyes
Part your lips
Brush my thighs
Fingertips
Feel the rush
Voices hushed
Touch my skin
Let you in

Strike a pose
Hold you down
Keep you close
Won't make a sound
Pull my hair
Scratch my back
Your amazing love
Our lustdrunk tact

You make me wanna fly
It's so impossible
You send me on a high
I just can't let you go
And when I think
This just can't last
You're on the brink
I'm in relapse

SO ANONYMOUS II

I want to feel- your touch
I want to have- your love
I want to be
I want to see
What we, could, be

But it's not enough
To play rough
When I can never be
Never see
The 'we' he talks about
Constantly
Don't you see this is hurting me

Can't say I haven't tried
To keep you in my life
Now I don't know what I'ma do without you

Is this really right
To leave this all behind
Or is this really a mental break through

I want to hear your voice
I want to bring the noise
I want to feel
Iwant to heal
I need to take back what you steal

Because you're killin me
So please
They say that I'm the best
But how can shit go down
Without my baby around

I've tried, to tell, you how
I feel
But you, refuse
To change the reel
So I've just been floating
There's no light I can see from here
So now I set sail from this pier
And I must let go of my fears

Let go, just let go
So just know
I've, let, go

SO ANONYMOUS

Tell you what I want, what I need
Where I'm from and who I be
What I've been through and what I've seen
And if I learned one thing
Life's no fairy tale, it's not like TV
It's so hard to grasp, true reality
Everyday I think it's closer
Every year that I grow older
But I see it's moving farther
As it all starts to feel harder
To take
The pain
It breaks
My heart
It aches
In strain
And I don't know what I would've done without you
It's so true
But would you be confused
If I told you 'a different you'
Indeed it was me
That in fact I truly lacked
A back bone
Too stoned
I don't know how I should act

Polyvore Me

Find me on Polyvore

Intermission

Hahaha soooo I love how I haven't added a new post on here in a long ass time... I honestly haven't had much to talk about- I'm still looking for a job, still struggling with getting back on board with school, things between Alex and me have fizzled... I've 'met' this really awesome guy I like who lives in Washington (uhhh thats 3k away btw). I've been writing more which is nice but I'm def having trouble gettting all my thoughts organized and narrowing down the lyrics. I guess I could post my new lyrics... but I'm so anal about my work that it's not like it's done ya know... I really don't even think the last couple months are even worth recounting. I've been POLYVORIN it up though... maybe I should post those onto here too! That'd make my blog a little more interesting, non? Well I guess I'll fuck around with it right now then!! : D

Crazy Night Out

So some crazy/stupid shit happened last night...
Kelly, Kat, Nadine, and I went to Buckhead last night for Nadine and Kellys' bdays , got drunk beforehand and had a good time dancing and chatting. I was def drunk getting there... so Rock told Kelly that- though he apparently goes out every night- he wasn't go out for her birthday BLAH BLAH and how he doesn't know what to do since his ex is in town blah blah and they've hooked up several times...
but so anyways right after we get there and paid/IDs and GUESS who the FUCK we see??? Yep. Rock. And I'm drunk and honestly I don't even remember what exactly I said to him but I just remember running my mouth calling his ass out and him just walking off- followed by my realization that what had just taken place did not have the affect I wanted it to have on Kelly. I like saw embarrassment and disappointment in her eyes and continued to apologize for it all night long.
She and I danced together the majority of the time, even switching guys- I mean I think we were pretty much glued at the hip the whole night except to go pee... and that was just separate stalls lol...
OMG so speaking of the bathrooms... I was feeling a very giddy, happy drunk the whole night and there are apparently bathroom attendants there and the girl for the girls' room was this pretty cute, curvaceous, light-skinned black girl. And I pretty much tell her every time I see her how she should find a better job because she's too cute to be working restrooms... and I mean I was nice, I wasn't like a bitch or putting her down or anything. But if I'd walk by the bathroom (open doors...) I'd wave or smile at her and I think I even gave her a hug. I don't care if that sounds cheesy or whatever- I thrive on making people happy and making someone's day a little bit brighter, or convincing everyone (appropriately) that they are worth the world and CAN make a difference in this world whether it's down the hall, down the road, or down to Central America.
Girls Gone Wild was there.... hahaha... and I would NEVER subject myself to that sort of objectification (at least not soberly) but I'm amused to watch the other silly girls that aren't ugly but are super shy about doing it.... and like I said I was a little inebriated... so I see this one girl apprehensive after committing and I try and encourage her a little (By the Way: It wasn't so I could amuse myself with her demeaning herself or whatever, I just want everyone to have a good time.) So yea I pull her aside and say girl you should do it! and she's like hmmhaw and I'm like "sweetie what's your name?" and she says her name and I'm like "what's your middle name? sexy? because that what you are girl and you need to just do it! lol" and they're all rolling because I said that and the next thing I know she's got her hands on my boobs, patting them, saying "girl! you got some nice boobs you need to be up here doing this!" and I'm like "OK honey, well if you do it, I'll do it" and then the next thing I remember was we were both pulling our dresses down just enough to show our bras!!!! LOL and the camera guy has his camera all ready for some action and I'm like whatever... and the end... I dont know what else happened with that girl or the camera people or whatever I was just SWOOOSH! gone...
OK... then I hear someone call out my name, and I don't know if I'm just going crazy or I'm connected with the spiritual world or what but I think I hear my name being called frequently... lol but that's not the point here. I look around, scanning the strange, unfamiliar faces in the crowd when I recognized someone.. sort of. And it was Jesse! I mean no big freakin whoopie but he had probably seen what had just taken place with GGW and he came over gave me a hug and blah blah blah
Then next sits down this Irish guy Eowin I was talking to last Wed. and we're talking, flirting, whatever... I think I remember saying something about seeing his Irish dick too... lol omg... but eventually we're talking and he's all like we should hang out afterwards and I was like yea sure... you should come over... but let me warn you- since there has been no real 'perfect opportunity' to announce this, but I have a bf." and that just did not go over well- "Well, that changes everything." is what he actually said. And I just got up and left, the girls were ready to go anyways but I was honestly shocked.
Pretty much- The End.

Atleast for now... <3 A

OK so its been FOREVER since I've posted on here! But I have returned (mwahahha- lol) Since I was gone this is what has happened:

• I got a puppy! He's like 10wks now, a pit/boxer mix, his name is OG. lol... seriously. But he's GORGEOUS!!! I'll put a pic up ASAP. He gets along well with my 11yr old pit/lab mix, Cookie. They play sometimes, but fortunately that number is increasing... lol what usually happens is one wants to play when the other doesn't- but if we get them both riled up enough, they'll start to play. Cookie is ridiculous!!! I'll have to put up a vid of her trying to play//dominate OG. I honestly think they should switch names (atleast till OG gets bigger). Speaking of getting bigger... we've put one 6oz fishweight(?) on his collar and will eventually move on to adding a second one.
• I ended up failing 3 if not all of my 4 classes I took over the summer online via NCVPS..... something I am NOT proud of... ugh- I really don't want to even get into it- I smizzed too much and was lazy and slacked off... The End
• I got into the Kardashian Kraze... lol really. Their drama and luxe life is exactly what my life is missing! haha Plus I think they are GORGEOUS!!!! And I <3>
• Let's seeeeee.... what else? idk Alex just got cash out of our piggy bank for rent for greenery and couldn't find tweezers to pull the bills out of the top... so he dumps the whole piggy bank on our bathroom counter and then calls for me from the bathroom. I'm like "What do you need?" and he's like "I just need you to do something for me." I'm like uh huh... I go in and see what he did and he's ACTUALLY asking me to put ALL that change back in after I had to do that frickin annoying tedious task the other day... and you know what I say? I take one look at that shit and turned the fuck around and was like "Seriously Alex?? No." He attempts to argue but whatever... I was just like "Alex, that is some bullshit... seriously?" Whatever lol it was just stupid.
• Anyways.... well I think I've moved since the last time too... lol- oops. Outta UVillage and onto (my first apt... which I've yet to be able to pay rent for the last 2mos...) Walnut Creek Apts. They're very nice and pretty cheap to split 2ways. It's UBER CLEAN compared to the last place (which is because WE weren't the ones at fault -cough cough- ANDREW MORIZIO...) haha thank GOD that shit is behind us now. : )
  
• I feel confused and doubtful of my relatonship with Alex right now... I'm not sure why- honestly. We hardly have sex- but that's my fault, I just feel so uncomfortable.... idk... but it's weird... first time ever.... I mean p.s. I still LOVE him and want to have kids with him at some point but right now... maybe we're just going through a rough patch...
  
• My dad has started to LEGITIMATELY try to be healthy... ordering Acai Berry juice or nectar or something- which he has a glass of like 2x a day and it's mixed with REAL, WHOLE Bee Pollen. I think that's awesome and it tasted great. Plus he ordered a Colonics-type product which was like 2 bottles with a Double-the-Order Special or something... which he gave me the extra order and I have to say- it's not bad. I just feel cleaner... lol that's all I'm saying!!

OK well I think that's all.... I'm watching Bam's Unholy Matromony or something and it's hilarious!!! Be back later <3 Hugs & Kisses <3 A

Episode II- Part I

OK I know it has been awhile since I've posted anything but I just started Summer School. English, Math, Psychology, and Latin. It doesn't seem to be too bad but I've gotten off to a rocky start because I did not know what I was doing... and I'm STILL tryin to figure it out. I've been Stumbling and playin volleyball and drinkin today and yesterday. Other than that... nothing real interesting on The Amber Show this week. I'll try to start postin everyday though- and add things I StumbleUpon. Well we (actually) have people over right now so I think I'm gonna peace out. Hope it's not too boring of a night.
Until next time...

I'm also checking out Porcelain Veneers because I have a poor jaw alignment contributing to intensely painful TMJD and I would love to have perfectly aligned and whitened teeth til I die. ; )
WebMD
Dentistry Guide
Lumineers
General Pricing
Everything to Know About Veneers
Before & Afters
Ask.Com Raleigh & Veneers

I read an article today while I was waiting for Alex at a Clinical Research place. But for now Alex and I are going to the NO DOUBT / PARAMORE CONCERT!!!! yay! I'm really excited... If only Cookie could come with us... it's SO lame that you have to buy lawn chairs there and you can't bring your own- just an aside, I guess lol.
-Peace out!

Episode I- Part II

OK so I've been Stumbling links for ACTIVISM- Hope you love them!:

Wikipedia's Definition of the Word "Activism"

Wikipedia's How to Become an Activist

Suite 101's How to Become an Activist

Feminist Activisism

Activism in the Jewish Community

Do Something!

Psychology Today

Elderly Care

Environmental Protection Agency of America

Tips & Facts on Being Green

Saving the Environment in the Laundry Room

Connecting with the Green Community

Green Ideas

A Green Community Forum

Episode I- Part I

Well it looks like today, Nadine is coming over to go chill at the pool, and possibly play some volleyball. I'm super... SUPER sore this morning from playing the last couple days. My chest and back are like super tight and it hurts to move... at all really. But if I sit out I can hemp and play with Cookie and Roscoe (my dog and Nadine's) all while basking in the sun getting my tan on! I guess I'm OK with that lol.
-Your Superstar